Plunderin' Picaroon
by Sapphire Sterre
Summary: Trouble stirs when Dipper's boyfriend is kidnapped in a bank robbery. Just as Dipper teams with a friend to prepare missing person posters, he himself is snatched and forced to solve a mystery...or risk the deaths of his boyfriend and friend.
1. Plunderin' Picaroon Part 1

**Note: This story was originally part of my series of dark one-shots _Devastation Compilation_ but since the story is long and completed, I decided to put this story as it's own story post.**

Summary: _Trouble stirs when Dipper's boyfriend is kidnapped in a bank robbery. Just as Dipper teams with a friend to prepare missing person posters, he himself is snatched and forced to solve a mystery...or risk the deaths of his boyfriend and friend._

Pairing: Billdip and Dipeon

* * *

 _ **Plunderin' Picaroon**_

"The paranormal _ain't real,_ marshmallow!" A southern twang called from the kitchen.

The nineteen year old bristled, standing from the couch. "Yes it _is!_ I've seen–"

"Imagination!" His boyfriend countered. "You have a _wild imagination."_

The teen left the living room to huff in the kitchen and glare at the poofy hairdo of his partner. As the blond shuffled about the kitchen, mouth stuffed with a cookie while he poured a glass of milk, the brunet rolled his eyes.

"C'mon, Gideon," the teen sauntered into the room and wrapped his arms around the blond's torso. "Didn't you once say you started crushing on me because of my hobby?"

Gideon leaned into the embrace and munched on the cookie. Grasping the cookie from his mouth, the blond scoffed and waved a hand.

"You were just so _cute_ whenever you started talking about the supernatural. How could I resist a face like yours?"  
The brunet laughed and plucked the cookie from Gideon's grasp. He danced out of reach and popped the treat into his mouth, humming.

The blond whined with a teasing smile. "Dipper!"

"You make the _best_ cookies! I just _couldn't resist_ ~" The teen sang.

Gideon grabbed his glass and drank the milk, licking his lips afterwards. The brunet paused, watching, before he grinned.

"Not gonna work!" He waggled a finger. "But almost!"

Gideon snapped his fingers, fighting back a smile. "Gosh darnit!"

Dipper laughed before his eyes traveled to the microwave, checking the glowing digits. "Oh hey, weren't you gonna go to the bank today?"

The blond whipped around to look at the device and blinked. "Oh sweet heavens, you're right!"

Gideon curved around the counter and, as he passed Dipper, the blond pressed his lips against the brunet's cheek and slid his hand down the teen's back. Dipper leaned into the kiss but when he felt a pinch, the brunet yelped while Gideon grinned and scampered away.

"Gideon!" The teen called but the blond just cackled and rushed out the front door.

"See ya hon!"

Dipper smiled and returned to the living room. Striding to the table by the entrance to his boyfriend's house, Dipper swiped the car keys off the table and opened the door. City life of Piedmont, California bustled about, but he had only one thing planned.

He had a bookstore to visit

He exited the house, locked the door, and hurried to his beat up old car. Dipper slid into the driver's seat and pressed the gas, driving to his destination. Soon he arrived and parked, slipping out to enter the store.

Once inside, he zoomed to his favorite corner–complete with books on the supernatural. To his surprise, a man in his early twenties already stood in front of Dipper's favorite section. The teen shifted, eyes wide as the young man pulled a mythology book from the shelf.

The man raised a brow, studying the novel's back. "Is there something you need?"

Dipper shook himself. "Oh–uhm–sorry for staring. It's just–I don't often see people in this part of the store."

The guy turned to face the teen and blinked. "Oh wow, you're a _cutie."_

Dipper blushed. "Uh, thanks? Um–"

"So you're interested in the paranormal too?" A light dusting of pink coated the young man's cheeks. "I know I sound like a nerd but I've always loved learning about demons."

Dipper brightened. "Yeah! The multi-bear is one of my favorite creatures. Not too fond of demons or gnomes though."

"Gnomes?" The young man scrunched his nose. "Weird." His face cleared to be replaced with wonder. "Wouldn't it be cool to actually _meet_ a mythical creature? I know it sounds silly 'cause they're not real but I still like to pretend..."

Dipper fidgeted in place, knowing full well that if his boyfriend wouldn't believe him then a stranger wouldn't either.

Deciding to play his cards safe, Dipper agreed. "Definitely. Oh!" He held out his hand. "I'm Dipper."

"Bill." The blond accepted the handshake. "Though with that hat of yours I might just call you Pine Tree." He chuckled. "You wanna get some coffee from the cafe next door?"

"Sure!" Dipper chirped. "Just let me..."

He stepped forward and grabbed the newest edition to his favorite author's series. Tucking the book under his arm, he headed to the lineless counter and bought the novel. Having acquired his goal, he turned to Bill with a grin.

 _"Now_ I'm ready!"

Bill returned the smile and put the book he was flipping through back onto the shelf and sidled next to the teen. Together, they walked out of the store and into the nearby cafe.

The doorbell jingled as they strode inside, quiet music and indistinguishable conversation washing over them. The barista greeted them with a warm smile. Glancing at the menu billboard, chalked with the prices, Dipper pulled his wallet from the back-pocket of his jeans. He strode to the counter with Bill at his side.

"Just a coffee and no cream, please."

As the employee listed the price, he handed over the corresponding cash and gave his name. He pulled away from the counter and put away his wallet while Bill took his place and ordered. Dipper scanned the room for a table and spotted a two seater in the far corner of the cafe. Waving at Bill, he weaved through crowded table and plopped his tushy into the seat.

Bill sat across from him and braced his elbows onto the table to lean forwards. "So you said your favorite creature is the multi-bear, but I've never actually heard of that one. What is it?"

"Oh–well–" Dipper stammered. "It's a, uh, bear that–"

"Coffee for a Dipper?"

The teen perked. "Be right back."  
As he strode to the counter, his eyes caught sight of the television mounted on the wall above the counter. The current news played live footage and he was about to refocus on the barista when his eyes glimpsed the subtitles and paused.

"Oh no…" His breath hitched. "Oh please no."

"Coffee for Dipper!"

The announcement louder than the chatter startled him from his fear and he rushed to the counter. He mumbled a thank you and accepted the beverage then sped to the blond's table. On his way, he fumbled with his phone and speed dialed Gideon's number.

The phone rang and rang but no one picked up.

Gideon _always_ answered his phone.

"Coffee for Bill!"

Barely thinking as his panic rose but knowing he had to inform Bill that he'd be leaving, Dipper returned to the counter and retrieved Bill's beverage then rushed to the shared table.

"Bill, I'm so sorry but I've gotta go." He placed the blond's drink on the table, words cascading as he gesticulated with his hands. "I–there's been a robbery at the bank my boyfriend went to and the news just said the robbers open fired and hurt some people and kidnapped one and he's not answering his phone and I've really–I've–I've gotta check it out and make sure he's okay–and–"

"It's okay Dipper," Bill placed a hand on the teen's shoulder. "I'm sure he's alright. But you're not looking too good. You sure you can drive safely while panicking?"

Dipper brushed his freehand through his hair. "Yes. No. Maybe."

Bill pursed his lips. "I don't want you crashing. You wouldn't mind if I'd drive you there, do you?"

The teen's eyes widened. "You'd do that?"

The blond nodded. "Just tell me where to go and how to get there–it's no trouble and it's better be safe than sorry."

"I dunno I–"

"What if you wound up crashing and getting hurt and your boyfriend was alright? Wouldn't that make him feel guilty for worrying you so much that you hurt yourself or something?"

Dipper bit his lip. "Well okay…" He allowed. "My car's right out front."

Even though trusting a practical stranger with his car was a flat out _dumb_ _idea_ , Dipper wasn't exactly thinking straight and Bill seemed like a trustworthy guy. A little weird, but trustworthy. Hopefully the guy wasn't a terrible driver.

After leaving the cafe and arriving at the car, the teen tossed the young man his keys and slid into the passenger seat. All the while, he gnawed on his bottom lip.

"So where to?" Bill shut the driver doo.

"Community Bank, over on Mission street."

Bill nodded. "Got it. I know where that is."

As Bill pulled out of park, Dipper eased into the seat. "Thank you."

"No problem."

They cruised along until they arrived in front of the bank. Cop cars and policemen surrounded the scene and caution tape encircled the bank. Bill double parked and Dipper rushed out of the car to approach an officer.

"Excuse me," he started and the stern faced woman jotting notes in a notebook turned. "One of my friends–Gideon Gleeful–went to this bank today. Is he–"

The woman's face softened. "I'm sorry, but Gideon Gleeful is the one who was kidnapped."

~oOo~


	2. Plunderin' Picaroon Part 2

Summary: _Trouble stirs when Dipper's boyfriend is kidnapped in a bank robbery. Just as Dipper teams with a friend to prepare missing person posters, he himself is snatched and forced to solve a mystery...or risk the deaths of his boyfriend and friend._

Pairing: Billdip and Dipeon

* * *

 _ **Plunderin' Picaroon Part 2**_

Dipper halted, color draining from his skin. _"Oh my gosh."_

"You say you're a friend of Gleeful, do you know the contacts of any relative of his?"

"Yes, his dad's–and if I give you my phone number too, will I be called if any information on his whereabouts is found?"

The woman nodded. "Any information you can provide would be helpful."

Dipper nodded and gave the number of Gideon's father as well as his own, and answered the policewoman's questions and replied to her suggestions. When they finished, she nodded.

"We'll call you if we find anything."

"Thank you." Dipper bid farewell and returned to the double-parked car.

He clambered into the passenger seat, only slightly noticing Bill staring out the window with a deep frown. Once Dipper closed the door, he lost his composure and curled in on himself.

"Please be okay," he murmured, "please _please_ be okay…"

A hand pressed on his shoulder and he blinked back tears. "Hey," Bill assured. "He's gotta be alright. What did the policewoman say?"

"Missing posters." He sniffled. "She said the best thing we could do is put up missing posters with Gideon's picture on them and my number."

Bill nodded. "I can help with that. I'll drive you home and we can start right away–where do you live?"

Dipper recited the address and the directions to his home and Bill drove to their destination. In a few minutes Bill slowed into a parking spot and exited the vehicle. Dipper fumbled with the handle but managed to open the car door and waved Bill along the street and up a set of steps. He opened the front door to his house and beckoned Bill to enter with another wave.

"Here," Dipper wiped his cheeks. "Wait on the couch while I make us some more coffee."

"But you–"

The teen entered the kitchen, leaving Bill to settle on the couch. Bill swiveled his gaze about the quaint but rather plain room.

A knock echoed and the brunet called. "Could you get that for me, please?"

As Dipper poured water into the coffee machine, he absently listened as footsteps tapped against the wooden floor until they faded. The door creaked open and a heavy silence filled the air. When a flurry of footfalls and a series of loud curses burst into the air, Dipper put the measuring cup down and hurried out of the room.

His jaw dropped and he gasped.

Three thugs stood in his living room. One pinned Bill to the floor, another braced a gun against the blond's temple, and the third…

...aimed a gun straight at Dipper.

"Dipper Pines." The third thug growled. "You're coming with us. If you don't then we'll kill Blondie here and then we'll kill the Fatty."

Dipper worked his jaw soundlessly, words stuck in his throat. "What do you want from me?"

"You'll find out. Now _hurry up."_

The thug stormed forwards and pressed the gun against the small of the frozen teen's back and pushed. Dipper stumbled and craned his neck to see the thug pinning Bill wrestle the blond to a standing position and drag him out of the house. The third thug followed with Dipper and soon the two thugs shoved the two young men into a double-parked van and entered the vehicle themselves. The second thug entered shotgun.

And then they drove.

They drove for what felt like hours in tense silence. Too afraid to speak, Dipper struggled to even his breathing. The barrel of a gun was all too present against his side, and Bill's stiff posture only affirmed that they were in deep, deep _crap_.

The driver slowed to a stop and Dipper peered out the window next to Bill and blinked. Why had the thugs taken them to a ghost town? Why did they show up at all? What did they even _want?_

The thug on Dipper's right grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the car and towards a decrepit building. Just before they entered, the teen spied a worn down sign reading _Siren's Saloon_. In his peripheral vision, he saw Bill be yanked out of the car and brought to the building. The thug gripping his arm shoved him through a pair of wooden doors and Dipper stumbled into the saloon.

"Marshmallow…?" A rough voice, twanged with an accent, called.

Dipper stiffened. _Oh no._

The teen lifted his head. In the middle of the room, tied to a chair and injured with a black-eye, was his boyfriend. Dipper jerked forwards but an arm looped around his waist and slammed his back against a chest, keeping him in place. A fourth thug sauntered from a backroom, and threw an arm around Gideon's shoulders while the other placed a gun against the blond's temple. Dipper ground to a halt.

The fourth thug grinned. "Listen well, Pines." The smile dropped to a snarl. "You're going to solve the mystery and treasures of this town or I'll put a bullet first through this one…" he grabbed a fistful of Gideon's already ruined hair then aimed the gun at Bill, "then that one."

Dipper protested. "But–"

"Don't worry, I won't kill them right away…" the thug, who seemed to be the leader, smirked. "Just let them _bleed to death."_

Dipper swallowed. "I'll do it–just don't hurt them."

"Good." The leader nodded and stepped aside while the thug holding the teen let go and Dipper rushed to his boyfriend.

"Gideon," he held the teen's face, "are you–"

"Just peachy, hon." Gideon reassured and Dip exhaled.

"Alright," the brunet turned. "What am I looking for?"

The leader waved him to the bar where a worn map and tattered pages rested. While the other three thugs bound Bill's arms behind his back to a chair, the thug boss explained.

"You're to find the treasure hidden by the pirate Striker Reeves. Legend has it, he buried his riches somewhere in this town and secured its location with a spell. We need you to break the lock and defeat any guardians of his treasure."

Dipper stared at the encoded map. "Alright. The more I know, the sooner I'll finish. These words look like Irish so I'm going to need to translate for a clue." Dipper met the leader's stare. "Can I use my phone to–"

"Not a chance."

"It'll be faster–"

"No."

"Then I need an Irish to English dictionary." The teen insisted. "How else can I decipher the words? You want the treasure don't you?"

The thug boss grunted and snapped his fingers. "You heard the brat."

Dipper inhaled and set to learning what he could.

~oOo~

Sun sinking on the horizon, Dipper paid the darkening hour no heed. Flipping through the dictionary, he double-checked his translation and sighed. Rubbing his eyes and resisting the urge to bite on the pen, he tried to ignore the headache throbbing in his skull and the constant sound of shuffling cards. A dust and mold covered room was _not_ a healthy workspace.

Frowning, his gaze skimmed the words on a ripped loose leaf parchment and checked his chicken scratch handwriting. "I think," he announced, "I've found a clue but it doesn't make much sense."

The leader placed his cards face-down on the table and stood. The man strode to the bar and loomed over the sitting teen, breath rancid. Dipper scrunched his face.

"You said this paper was from one of Striker's journals, right? Well," he tapped a finger on the open page of the notebook. "I don't know since the page is ripped there might be more to this–"

The leader sneered. "Your handwriting's shit."

Dipper thinned his lips. "I'll read it aloud, then."

The teen shifted, moving the deciphered pages and thumbed through his notebook to a more neat version of his findings. He glanced out the corner of his eye to see Gideon was still bound to the chair and Bill, with his arms tied behind his back, was awkwardly squished between two thugs at table. The third thug idly shuffled the deck of cards, watching the brunet. Dipper inhaled and read.

 _"Listen well, my scroungy hounds._

 _I'm on my final battleground._

 _Month by month and with the moon,_

 _I've hidden a treasure in a Siren's Saloon._

 _To access the prize, remember this:_

 _there is a cycle that is never amiss–_

 _unless bearing a burden of a nine month hell._

 _Those who bleed more in life are the ticket,_

 _beneath their hangout you'll find the cricket."_

The leader frowned. "The fu–"

"It just ends there." Dipper shrugged. "But I think I've figured a few things out about it."

"Spit it out then." The thug boss growled.

"Even though the map is faded and hard to read, and given the fact the pirate said ' _Siren's Saloon,'_ I think the treasure is hidden somewhere in this town."

"We know that, idiot, but there's nothing buried where the x is."

"Well there might be more to this than just buried treasure…" Dipper explained and hesitated.

Would they believe him? "Ever heard of magic?"

"What are you gettin' at, brat?"

Dipper paused. "Well...maybe not magic but there's definitely some trick to this. I'm thinking the treasure can only be found at night because of the line 'with the moon' and there's something important about the 'cricket' but the clue to finding whatever that is, is by knowing who the 'they' are."

"Men bleed more in life." The leader retorted. "Especially on the battleground."

The teen bit his lip, remembering his sister's once a month for a week complaints. "Actually…"

"It's probably not important."

"It might be though, since whoever bleeds more has a 'hangout' and wherever the hangout is, that's where we'll find the cricket. And I don't think the cricket is the x on the map."

The leader rolled his eyes. "Real men hang out in bars so you sayin' we gotta find some bug in this old place?" The man growled. "Sounds like you're trying to make a fool out of us."

"I'm not!" Dipper defended. "I'm just talking possibilities and–I uh–I don't think this clue is talking about men."

"Spit it out."

"Women."

The leader snorted. _"Women?_ Women _faint_ at the sight of blood and–"

While the man went on a tangent about the inferiority of women, Dipper rolled his eyes and couldn't hold back some sass.

"Did you ever take sex ed?" He countered. "Because then you'd know the _correct_ anatomy of women and their menstrual cycles. Once a month, _for a week,_ women and girls bleed all over the place. Frankly it's gross and according to my sister it hurts like hell."

The leader gave the teen a dead eyed stare. "Are you back talking me, boy?"

"Uh–no–" Dipper stammered, realizing what a dumb idea sassing had been.

"I can shoot Blondie, that'll teach you to be respectful."

"No–no need–really–" The teen protested. "I was just trying to explain that the clue is probably talking about women because of the whole 'cycle that's never amiss' unless there's a 'nine month hell' which probably refers to pregnancy or something!"

The man snorted. "Watch your step."

Dipper exhaled and continued. "I think the cricket is hidden somewhere in this saloon and...well...where do women hangout in saloons?"

"Prostitutes go to the brothel room." The leader answered with a leer. "Where they belong beneath men."

Dipper thinned his lips, fury flaring. What a _jackass._ If his sister were here, she'd give the man a tongue lashing for his sexism! And then Dipper would have to talk the man out of shooting them all, oh _geeze_...he just couldn't win! Though it figured that a guy willing to kidnap and potentially kill a bunch of innocents would have low moral values.

Instead of retaliating, Dipper just gritted his teeth. "Then let's check the brothel room first. There might be something hidden there."

The leader turned to his men. "Watch them."

The man grabbed Dipper's arm and yanked him off the barstool and dragged the teen up a set of rickety stairs and shoved him into a nearby room. Dipper stumbled then straightened when the man halted, leaning against the door frame.

"Now git." The man commanded, crossing his arms.

Dipper withheld the urge to glare and set to searching for a cricket, live or dead. As he wandered about the bedroom, his foot snagged on a protruding wooden plank and he toppled to the floor. Groaning, and ignoring the roaring laughter of the leader, he twisted to see what his shoe had caught and he paused. Curiosity peaking and acting on a hunch, he crawled to the bent wood and pried the wood further from the floor.

Dust billowed as he wrenched the wood and tossed the plank to the side, splinters almost piercing his hands. He sneezed and coughed then opened his eyes and gasped.

A thumb-sized crystalline cricket, coated with a thick layer of dust, sat where the plank previously resided. Dipper grasped the glass sculpture and exhaled, blowing a layer of dust off the glass.

"What'd you find, brat?" The man gruffed.

Dipper fought down a grin and presented the cricket. "The treasure."

The man snarled. " _Bullshit_. Striker wouldn't have gone through so much trouble just to hide a stupid piece of _glass._ What about the x on the map?"

"That could've been intended to mislead–"

"Solve the x or I'll shoot 'em."

Dipper raised his hands. "Alright, alright. I'll do what I can."

Even though the cricket could've been a personal item or memento to Striker that the pirate simply didn't want others to find, the map _was_ a bit odd. Maybe there was more to the whole treasure hunt than Dipper thought. Sighing, Dipper made to stand when the cricket seemed to burn his hand and he reflexively dropped the hot item.

The glass shattered upon contact with the floor.

The teen's jaw dropped and the leader snarled, storming forwards. The man had just grasped the stunned brunet's shirt when the lone window in the bedroom slammed open and wind whooshed into the room, buffeting their ears. The man shifted his glare and stiffened.

"What the hell?" He snapped, releasing Dipper and rushing to the window. "Is that some kind of tornado?"

Alarmed, Dipper hurried to peer outside and his eyes widened. A little whirlwind whipped above the ground and soon blasted the dirt away to reveal three wooden planks with a rusted ring. Dipper's stomach churned. He'd been right. Magic had come into play.

"The hell was _that?"_ The man snapped. "Those planks are right where the x is on the map but when my men dug there, there was _nothing_."

"Guess there is an actual treasure." Dipper murmured.

The thug snagged the teen's arm and dragged him out of the room and back down the stairs. The thug boss waved at his men and the three thugs stood, manhandling Bill.

"Bring Blondie, we'll leave Fatty here." The man commanded.

The six of them headed outside and curved around the saloon. The three thug underlings muttered amongst themselves while the leader dragged Dipper to the board. The leader shoved Dipper to the ground. The teen dropped to his knees and grunted.

"Open it." The man commanded.

Biting back a retort, Dipper complied. He grasped the metal ring and yanked. The board creaked open and revealed a steep set of stairs leading underground. Dipper bit his lip, worry rising. Just as he stood, the leader pushed him and the teen nearly fell forward and down the stairs. He caught himself and straightened.

The thug boss barked. "Lead the way."

Dipper hesitated. "Is there any flashlights I could–"

The man snapped his fingers and one of the thugs handed him a flashlight. The leader flicked it on and aimed the light at the ground.

"Now git."

Dipper thinned his lips but led the descent. He squinted into the darkness, barely lit by the flashlight with his body blocking the light, and kept a close eye on the steps. They walked for minutes before the stairway widened in what appeared to be a cave. Dipper side-stepped to allow the thugs to enter the cramped space and the leader swiveled the flashlight across the area.

"An underground lake?" Dipper's voice echoed.

The leader stilled, flashlight shining. "And a _treasure."_

In the center of the lake, resting on a little island, a podium stood. Atop that pillar, encased in glass, sat a azure diamond sculpture of a fiery phoenix in flight. Dipper's eyes widened and his gaze lowered to see a plank stretching from one piece of ground to the island, like a makeshift bridge.

"Stay here, men." The leader snagged the teen's arm and yanked him across the bridge.

Dipper stumbled after and tried not to topple into the lake. As they neared the glass, Dipper noticed ashes littered the surface the phoenix stood on. When the leader reared back a gun toting hand,Dipper tossed out his arms.

"Wait!" He stepped in front of the man. "There might be a booby-trap!"

The thug raised a brow but lowered his hand. "Then how do we stop the trap?"

"I–uh...I know it sounds crazy but I can cast a warding spell."

Oddly enough, the man didn't bat an eye at the mention of magic. Dipper frowned. Did the thugs know magic existed or were they just pretending not to believe in the supernatural power?

"Hurry up and do it!' The man barked and Dipper jumped.

"Okay okay!" He yelped.

The teen stepped a little ways away from the podium and stretched his arms. Closing his eyes, he inhaled and chanted. The familiar ancient language rolled off his tongue and he slowly opened his eyes, irises glowing blue. The light faded and he relaxed, dropping his arms to his sides.

"Turns out there _was_ a trap." He announced. "The cave was gonna collapse the moment you broke that glass."

"And you fixed that?"

"Yes."

"Good." The leader shoved the teen aside, knocking the brunet into the lake, and smashed the glass with the grip of his gun.

Wind burst from the shattered containment, throwing all who stood to the ground. Dipper scrambled out of the freezing water, shivering as the wind slapped against his soaked, cold skin. The teen paused when something other than icy air landed against his skin. He looked down at his forearm, the spot where he felt the hit, and blinked. Ash? Where did–

 _"It's been so long…"_ A voice boomed then broke into wild laughter.

The brunet looked up, catching sight of the ash billowing from the podium's surface, and continued to look up to see….

"Oh no." He breathed. "Oh please no."

They had released a ghost or–he jerked his gaze to the side, noticing the levitating rocks.

A poltergeist.

They had released a _poltergeist._

Horror flooded his system and his heart hammered as the rocks shifted about the room at a dizzying rate, narrowly missing the floored males. The specter continued to laugh, seeming to not have noticed the intruders.

"A _woman?"_ A disgusted tone spat. "That's not the pirate Striker Reeves! That's a weak-willed _woman!"_

The rocks stilled.

Oh the ghost had noticed them _now_ alright.

The leader shot to his feet with a snarl on his face. The woman, clad in transparent boots, pants, a sash across her waist coupled with twin swords and an undershirt with a vest on top, stared the man down. The rocks rose higher as she adjusted her hat.

"I _am_ the pirate Striker Reeves. _Dicie_ Striker Reeves. And you are an insolent fool."

The leader rolled his eyes and snatched the diamond sculpture off the podium. "Weak words from a weak woman _and a fraud."_

The poltergeist's gaze blazed with blue fire and she raised her arms, snapping her fingers. "Bigotry will be punished."

Still shivering, Dipper snapped his gaze to Bill. The poor blond, still on the ground and surrounded by the three thugs, stared at the scene with wide eyes. The brunet paled and jerked to his feet. He had to stop her–or at least _try._

"Wait–" he gasped, feeling numb from the cold as his teeth chattered. "Please don't hurt–"

The woman shot the teen a glare. _"And who are you?"_

"Just a brat with a brain." The lead thug answered and grabbed Dipper's arm. "Now git, boy, there's other treasure to be found."

Dipper struggled to think clearly as his lips turned blue. "But–I–"

 _"Disrespect to you superiors_ and _your inferiors."_ The ghost growled. _"Your death will be slow and painful."_

"Wait–" Dipper struggled to work his jaw and speak. "Don't h-hurt the b-blond one, p-please…"

He dropped to his knees and started to hug himself to heat his freezing form, but the leader hefted the teen back to his feet and dragged him across the bridge. The woman thinned her lips and scanned the cave, spotting the only blond in the vicinity.

 _"Your manners, boy, will be rewarded."_ The woman returned her glare to the back of the leader's head. _"Arrogance will not."_

Rocks spun into motion and Dipper gasped as a stone slammed into the leader's back, throwing the man, and in turn Dipper who the man still gripped, forwards. The statuette tumbled out of the thug's hands and rolled in front of Dipper. Heat emanated from the sculpture and Dipper grasped the treasure and curled into a ball, cradling the source of warmth close.

Stones whizzed and screams echoed through the air as blood coated the ground. The teen shut his eyes, too cold too move and hoping Bill would survive even if Dipper didn't. The poor blond got dragged into the whole mess by accident, he didn't deserve to be hurt…

When the clamour quieted and wind stilled, Dipper dared to open his eyes, stunned to find he was unharmed. But was Bill okay? The brunet struggled to his knees and found the blond sitting not too far away, back against the wall and splattered with blood that hopefully wasn't his own. The blond's wide eyed stare met Dipper's equally shaken one.

 _"I spared your lives, now would you be so kind as to return the favor?"_

Dipper lifted his gaze to the poltergeist and nodded. "B-but I w-won't hurt anyone…"

 _"There's no need. I just need you to free an old friend of mine."_

Oh hell, she probably wanted him to free someone from prison or something, _crap_.

 _"That treasure you hold is my phoenix friend, would be so kind as to release her?"_

Oh, okay, that was much more manag–uhh. "H-how do I–"

 _"Just hold her in your hands and she'll do the rest."_ She sighed. _"Really, I wish my crew hadn't crystallized her ashes and instead had let her roam free but…"_

Dipper blinked, gaze dropping to the podium where the ashes had layed. "Y-you…"

 _"Were cremated, yes."_ She finished with a rueful smile. _"In mimicry of my friend's own cycle of life. But it's time to move on, for both me and her. Thank you, and goodbye."_

The ghost closed her eyes and dematerialized, fading into nonexistence. Dipper inhaled, relieved the threat was gone, and held the statuette close as he pushed himself to his knees.

"Dipper, hon?" A familiar voice called, accompanied by footsteps and he stopped, a fresh wave of relief washing over him. "Hon, are you alright?"

"I'm here, G-Gideon!" He returned. "But maybe you shouldn't–"

"Sweet heavens to betsy!" Gideon appeared, face pale as he took in the tattered state of all the cave inhabitants. "What happened–"

A voice coughed. "Cast a healing spell." The leader's familiar voice hitched. "Please, sir. Don't leave your men to die."

Gideon thinned his lips as Dipper looked to his boyfriend, confused. "What is he–"

" _My_ men? Why heavens, what accusa–"

"Sir, _please._ You said we'd share the treasure and rise to new heights! We'd gain so much _power_ you–" The leader broke into another coughing fit. "Sir…"

"Gideon…?" Dipper murmured. "What's he talking about?"

"Hon… I must confess..." Gideon dropped to one knee next to a dead body, one hand in front of his chest and the other behind his back.

The blond snagged the front of Bill's shirt and sprung to his feet, dragging Bill to standing. Gideon presented his hidden hand to reveal he held a gun and pressed the barrel against Bill's temple. Dipper stopped short, eyes wide.

"G- _Gideon?"_

"I've used you throughout our entire relationship, and I don't plan on letting you go now that you know." Gideon sighed. "I was _going_ to let you remain ignorant to all this but it seems–"

"Sir…" The leader coughed.

Gideon curled his lip and fired. The man crumpled, a bullet through his head.

"'Bout time you shut your trap." Gideon spat and returned the hot guntip to Bill's temple and Bill flinched. "Now, Dipper, hon…"

Dipper stared, horrostruck, because his boyfriend _didn't, Gideon_ didn't _just kill a guy and_ wasn't _threatening Bill right now._

"Give me the treasure and come with me, or else I'll shoot him."

Dipper shook his head, tightening his grip on the sculpture. "I–I don't understand."

Gideon rolled his eyes. "I mine as well spell it out for you, take it back to the beginning. I only started dating you because of your paranormal expertise–my men and I had been struggling with that damn code for _months_ and then I stumbled across you–a cute little boy with a big, big brain."

"But you said you didn't _believe_ in the–"

"I lied."  
Horror and sorrow crashed like a wave. "Then–"

Gideon smirked. "I really do like you, hon, and I really did enjoy those nights when you moaned my name and–"

 _"Shut up!"_ Dipper blushed in embarrassment and anger. "You _used_ me! You–I–How _dare_ you! I–"

"Oh, my marshmallow." Gideon cooed. "Think of the fun we can have together–hunting for paranormal treasures and–"

Dipper snarled, fury heating his body. _"Jackass!_ You _tricked_ me! You _lied_ to me! And now you think I'll just go with you nice and easy? You _killed a man."_

Gideon's gaze darkened into cold stone. "And I have no qualms about killing Blondie here. Now do as I say and give me the treasure. We're going far away where no one can find–"

Rage blinded him as he tears blurred his vision and he spat. "I _trusted_ you! All you had to do was _ask_ that I–"

"You never would have agreed to solve the mystery of this treasure if I had told the truth."

"So you put up a _charade?"_

"This treasure had a dark side–"

"It summoned a _poltergeist_ that nearly _killed Bill and I!"_

"But it didn't." Gideon corrected then bared his teeth. "Now git over here and do as I say or I'll–"

"We could've _died_ and you don't even _care?"_

"You're fun to have around," Gideon admitted, "but you're not a necessity."

Dipper clenched his fist when the statuette heated to an unbearable degree. He dropped the diamond just as the treasure melted and splashed on the plank. He recoiled, eyes wide as, from the liquid, blue fire erupted, warming and drying his cold figure, and a bird took shape from the flames.

"The phoenix…" he breathed.

The bird, about the size of a parrot, flared her wings and scanned the surroundings. When she caught sight of Gideon glaring, she squawked and zoomed forwards. Gideon gritted his teeth and it out a swear, shooting at the bird but the avian just dodged the bullets. She swooped down on the blond and batted Bill free of Gideon's hold and lunged.

Dipper watched, horrified and unable to look away, as the phoenix pecked and burned his screaming boyfriend until nothing remained but an unrecognizable corpse. Bile rose in his throat and he leaned to the side, dry heaving.

"Oh my gosh." He panted. _"Oh my gosh."_

He ripped his gaze from the water to the fiery bird sitting atop the corpse. The bird folded its wings and shifted to stare the teen down. Dipper swallowed and averted his gaze, hoping to avoid angering the avian. He crawled to Bill's side, all too aware of the gaze following him.

"Bill…?" He murmured, resisting the urge to fidget beneath the phoenix's stare. "Bill are you alright?"

Only a whimper and incoherent noises escaped the blond's throat before he managed to whisper. "I'm okay."

"Okay," Dipper breathed. "We're okay…I'm gonna untie you now."

He crawled behind the blond and lifted the taller man. He braced a shoulder against the limp body and set to untying the knots. Or tried to anyway.

"They–won't– _budge."_ He grunted, fighting with the fastened rope.

Clicking echoed and Dipper darted his gaze to the side to spy the phoenix waddling towards them. His heart rate accelerated and he quickened the pace. He froze when the phoenix neared. _They were gonna die the phoenix was gonna kill them they were gonna die the–_

The phoenix lifted a talon and sliced through the rope. The rope fell away and other than the rope burn, Bill was unhurt. Dipper stared.

"Um…" he averted his gaze, "thank you–"

He shrieked when the bird hopped onto his shoulder and he toppled to the ground in a panic. He only realized a moment later that he was _not_ on fire and the talons were _not_ piercing his shoulder somehow and, when he glanced at the bird, he noticed the phoenix's chest rise and fall rapidly as if– He thinned his lips. The bird was _laughing at him._ The jerk.

Still unsettled by the fact that the bird had _murdered his boyfriend in front of him,_ Dipper stood. Yeah, sure, the bird _kinda_ saved him and Bill but...he shook his head. Maybe the bird would leave once they left the cave.

"C'mon Bill, let's get you home."

"That'd be good." The blond agreed, struggling with his words and stumbling to his feet.

Dipper gingerly grasped Bill's arm and guided him up the stairs and out of the cave. Once they were back in the night air, he looked at the phoenix.

"Well…" Dipper began. "I guess you're free."

The bird's eye curved, as if she were smirking and hopped into the air. As she spread her wings, she spun in a circle and Dipper started to relax…

...until fire blazed from her feathers, sending showers of sparks to the ground, and she grew in size. She stopped growing once she was about the size of a horse. Dipper paled as the avian returned to the ground and folded her wings and craned her neck, as if beckoning the two of them.

Dipper swallowed, feeling a headache rising. "I think she wants to take us somewhere."

"Another adventure?" Bill laughed deliriously before breaking into a sob.

Dipper sighed. "Maybe she'll take us home."

Instead of replying, Bill continued to blubber incoherently. "–can't believe they–dead!–the rocks–in front of me–I almost–"

Dipper bit his lip and met the phoenix's stare. "Will you take us home?"

The bird nodded.

He looked away and tried not to get his hopes up. "Are you planning on leaving afterwards?"

The bird shook her head.

 _Damn._

Dipper sighed once more and grabbed the blond's arm. "Okay…C'mon Bill."

Bill just laughed hysterically.

 _Fin_


End file.
